My 18th year was full of happiness. It was an amazing year, and I thought life was great. I even changed my views, that were once so
critical, of Singapore. I thought NS was a good thing. Well, in my 19th year, I still do, but let's just say that sometimes dreams taste sweeter than reality. You spend a period long enough with other people, and you begin to see how they really are. But I've learnt not to trust others, I've learnt the value of a dollar, and that you can't rely on anyone to pick you up but yourself. I guess these are symptoms of depression. I've got a mild case of it.

This unfortunate state is a result of having a greater certainty of becoming an SRB driver for the remainder of my NS term, and that is because I have a license. Though I would be well paid compared to other vocations, the ideal idea that has already been ingrained as a goal in my head since the beginning of this course makes things depressing. I know it's selfish and stupid to think this way, but hey, would you be happy after receiving horrible grades for a life-changing examination, knowing that there are people far worse than you - those who can't even attain education? I don't think so.

This, coupled with an unfortunate event that led to a somewhat major monetary setback on my part are to blame. The consequences of not going to a fire station are firstly, the lost opportunity to save lives and gain experience in real situations, secondly, the $2000 meal allowance accumulated over the 2 years (SRB has been overtaken by Sodexo), and lastly, the extra time I'd have if I didn't have to stay in the first who-knows-how-long term.

But I should count myself fortunate, because there are a few people who feel worse. They are getting OOCed tomorrow after completing 5/6 of the course. That's sad. I feel for them.

Oh, and the bit about trust was because thefts happen around here, and I'm a victim. I think my life determines happiness in years. One year I'm happy, another everything goes wrong. I can already feel the incipient stages of the 19th year burning into me. I'll try looking for the silver lining.