This week was Fire Investigation week. We watch a van and a car burn, then we had to investigate and compile a report. We did the report in groups, which reminded me of the dreaded PW in JC. It isn't bad if you think about it, but when you've yet to finish the report, it's a major pain in the arse.

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I'm back in the old inspired mode again. I wanna do so many things right now.

Here's my updated list of things to do:

-start making videos+movies
-master violin, write music
-train back muscles
-be a successful investor

That's all for now. There are others, but they'll wait.

ARGHHHH.

I just wanna finish the darn POC video, get my sergeant rank and start doing stuff that I'm supposed to be doing.

My weekends, which are supposed to be holidays/rest days, are completely non-existent (not literally, because I do not have control over naming standards). I stay up till about 4am each day on the weekends editing videos. Then I get up at 10-11am and restart the process. I don't even get Fridays off because I take approximately 2 hours to travel home from camp, which is, by the way, on the other side of the island. When I get home, it's dinner, shower, and violin practice. Then I have to sleep early because I've got class the next morning. Damn.

But, I actually do love NS. I dread having to study in university. Not that I'd rather have no school to attend, but I'll really have no time to do much then.

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I think deprivation either inspires or kills. I've become bored of certain activities because I haven't been actively 'activating' them. But my interest in other activities of a similar fate has been resparked, and it's grown to a raging fire. Then again, maybe deprivation doesn't kill interest, maybe it just shows you the truth. Perhaps you were doing that certain activity in the past and sorta enjoyed it because you just do it very often, but not doing it has made you realize that you do not actually derive positive feelings from it. False and forced 'happiness'?

But.. I guess sometimes, activities do require constant activity to be fully functional to fulfill their emotive purposes.

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I dunno why I talk about happiness so much these days. I've been thinking of food a lot lately too. Why? Could it be the circumstances I have come under that is conscription? Deprivation finds new love? Could it be that my ageing mind has come to terms with itself and summoned the homosapien survivability instincts (to make money and support myself) in me? Nah. I think it's just girls. Girls talk about nothing but happiness and their disillusioned and limited means of attaining it through family, shopping, and food. I don't understand them. I'm a geek.

But there's hope, because I see an increasing number of females subscribing to L4D2 at LAN parties these days.

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Last night in the shower I was pondering on life. I was thinking how I only had one life, and I was wondering if I should just go ahead and pursue a career as a filmmaker, which would be my dream job. But if it fails, I'm doomed. Sure, I could always work and attain some capital before pursuing it as a hobby. But I'd be wasting a large chunk of my life doing that. And who knows where and when the grim reaper lurks.

Wow, I actually pressed ctrl+s to post this. Must be all the editing.